"I will personally guarantee that you will spend an eternity with Jesus, Mary, Moses and all of the superstars of the bible, for a one time donation of only one week's pay.
One weeks pay for a guaranteed spot in Heaven?
I don't think any other TV religious program can top that.
But act now, this offer will expire soon.
Send one week's pay to Pat Robertson's Ministries.
As a special bonus, if you act now, I will also guarantee that Catholics will avoid purgatory.
God himself told me to make this offer, so act now."
When asked to comment, Oral Roberts said, "He's an idiot. He doesn't talk to God. I asked God if he talked to Robertson and he said, "No way.You are the only one I speak through, Roberts."
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